Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Only in SCV: What Kind of a Driver are You?

This quiz challenges you to reflect upon how you handle situations commonly faced by the Claritan driver. Keep track of whether you pick mostly "A"s, "B"s, "C"s, or "D"s.

1. I think of other drivers on the road as…

(A)My friends, family, and neighbors.

(B)Regular people—good and bad, but mostly good.

(C)Regular people—good and bad, but mostly bad.

(D)Inhuman obstacles I must overcome.


2. When approaching the Newhall roundabout, the best thing to do is…

(A)Come to a complete stop before entering: you can never be too safe.

(B)Slow down before entering and proceed cautiously.

(C)Yield and slow down only if necessary to prevent a collision.

(D)Drive over the roundabout island: a straight line is more efficient than a circular path.


3. You are about to make a right on the corner of McBean Pkwy. and Valencia Blvd., but at that instant, the crosswalk light illuminates. A frail old woman stands on the curb, ready to make the very, very long crossing in front of you. You…

(A)Roll down your window and tell her howdy.

(B)Wait until she’s made it all the way across.

(C)Wait until she’s gone just far enough to let you right-turn in her wake.

(D)Gun it and hope the bitch knows enough to stay on the curb until you’ve made your turn.


4. Road rage is…

(A)A completely foreign concept I only hear about in troubling reports on NPR.

(B)A big waste of time—let’s be patient, people.

(C)Something I can definitely understand, but there are kids in the I'll just curse under my breath.

(D)Part of my very being.


5. What does it mean when the posted speed limit is 45 mph?

(A)35 mph, but 30 mph at night.

(B)45 mph.

(C)55 mph.

(D)I’m going to have to drive at 65 to pass all these assholes.

6. There’s a bicyclist on the winding, curvy section of Placerita Canyon Road, and it will be difficult to pass him safely. What goes through your mind?

(A)How wonderful! This will give me more time to enjoy the beautiful scenery.

(B)It’s your lucky day, buddy. There are some crazy drivers on the road, but I won’t try and pass you until it’s completely safe.

(C)What an idiot to be riding your bike on a dangerous road—and what a selfish idiot to make all of us wait just so you can indulge in your stupid hobby.

(D)Does it count as a hit and run if I say I didn't feel it when I swiped him with my car?


7. You have to pick up your kids from school. How much time will it take?

(A)An hour. I have to arrive 45 minutes early to get a safe and convenient spot.

(B)About a half-hour. I always let people cut in front of me to keep things moving and prevent accidents.

(C)15 minutes. I’m not going to apologize for driving purposefully through these crowds.

(D)5 minutes tops. People forget the crossing guard is only suggesting you stop with that sign.

8. People who drive really, really nice cars…

(A)Give me something fun to look at and must be very hard workers!

(B)Are just like the rest of us.

(C)Are probably compensating for something, which is what I think when they pass by.

(D)Are entitled to more privileges and respect on the road than everyone else (and yes, I drive one of those cars).


9. When it comes to using your phone while driving...

(A)I would never, ever even entertain the notion. It can always wait.

(B)I only do so in emergencies.

(C)I'll definitely use my phone at a long stoplight, but I don't use it very often when I'm actually driving.

(D)Using my phone is the only thing that keeps me sane when driving.


10. A fast and reckless driver has been weaving through busy traffic. Now, she is trying to cut in front of you. What do you do?

(A)Slow down to let her in with a friendly wave and hope she gets where she needs to go—it must be an emergency!

(B)Shake your head but let her in front of you—she did signal, after all.

(C)Accelerate to tail the car in front of you so there isn’t enough room for her to cut you off.

(D)Let her go in front of you, then gun it to pull up alongside her in the other lane, flip her off, then cut her off by an even closer margin.

What does your score mean?

Mostly As: You’re probably old and you’re certainly an awful driver; the two are not unrelated. Everyone is impatient with out, and for good reason. Your concerns for safety and courtesy have no place in Santa Clarita. People like you make up approximately 1 in 10 drivers in the SCV.

Mostly Bs: You like to think that you’re following the letter of the law, but really, you’re just a holier-than-thou annoyance best seen from the rearview mirror. People like you make up approximately 2 in 10 drivers in the SCV.

Mostly Cs: You’re the average Santa Clarita driver, your approach hardened and sharpened by a lot of time on the road—and no, that’s not a compliment. The only reason you haven’t had more tickets and accidents is probably luck. People like you make up approximately 5 in 10 drivers in the SCV.

Mostly Ds: You’re a sociopath, plain and simple. You might be lovely and nice when dealing with others face-to-face, but behind the wheel, you are an utterly unfeeling, unredeemable menace. People like you make up approximately 2 in 10 drivers in the SCV.

1 comment:

Lindsey Newhall said...

I love you. I will leave Thailand for you and run away with you if you'll have me. Will you marry me?