Happenings: Things Going Just Fine, Actually

Tonight’s was a profoundly uneventful City Council meeting[1]. While the rest of Southern California burns, trillions of dollars course out of plummeting global markets, and the presidential race draws to a fierce finale, Claritans spent the evening chatting about school bells and art. If events at the meeting are any indication, things in Santa Clarita are going just fine. (Or, more likely, we’ll get to the unpleasant stuff at the next C.C.)

Mayor Kellar began the meeting by discussing how to handle tough decisions, several of which loom in the near future. He advocated the rocking chair test. Roughly, a decision is a good one if it would leave you at peace when sitting in your rocking chair at 90 years old and thinking back on things. Because of senility and our exhaustless ability to forgive ourselves, I can’t say I’m a firm advocate of the rocking-chair-in-your-90s-approach-to-decision-evaluation, but that's just me.

After the various presentations to deserving pillars of our community, councilmember comments were made. They were nothing to write home about: safe ways to spend Halloween, water softeners, the ridiculous new “parkmobile”[2], etc. It took the old Saugus school bell to get people riled up. You see, the Saugus School District wants the cherished chimer back for their centennial. BUT, the historical society is the current guardian of the ancient bell and had it put in a special tower for the whole community to enjoy. Fully a quarter-hour went to discussing whether it would be appropriate for the Council to express their support for a transfer of the bell. Even after all that time, the issue remains unsatisfactorily resolved. At stake are such serious matters as whether the bell should be mentioned in commemorative speeches and which City staff would be most suited to a bell relocation operation.

After the bell, it was on to the consent calendar. The only thing worth talking about was Item 10, which allocated $42K for the consulting services of Historic Resources Group. They’ll help with efforts to identify and preserve the historical places of Santa Clarita. Leon Worden was cautiously enthusiastic, hoping that the group will look beyond unreliable property records and evaluate historic merit on-the-ground. Pat Saletore was also supportive and added that “History is being made constantly.” In light of this truism, she wants efforts made to recognize the contemporary creation of historic places. In Santa Clarita, history stands little chance but to be preserved.

After the customary 7pm potty break, Rick Gould spoke about the status of the Arts Advisory Committee and its future. Specifically, he said that the committee could continue as is, or, like a caterpillar, go through a transformation and emerge as a beautiful, influential butterfly called the Santa Clartia Arts Commission. Such a commission would more strongly affirm Santa Clarita’s commitment to “the Arts.” Most everyone was for art and the commission, and a number of speakers came to the microphone to say just how fervently supportive they were. The common theme was that the arts have enormous potential for growth in Santa Clarita and a devoted commission would be a great way of getting things rolling.

City Attorney Carl Newton clarified that Santa Clarita’s art commission would necessarily function in a purely advisory role. Thus, the move from committee to commission wouldn't confer any new legislative powers.

Still, the City Council was largely supportive. Art is good for the soul as well as City coffers, it seemed. Councilmember McLean went so far as to state “I see absolutely no downside” and said she was ready to throw her support behind creating the new commission. Laurie Ender called the proposed action mostly a name change. She summed up things accurately when she said “We have something that’s not working as good as it should” and advocated finding ways to make any arts advisory group--regardless of its name--more effective. There was a bit of back and forth on an arts commission as money drain (staff time) or money generator (bigger programs, bigger grants) as well as to whether formation of a commission could be approved that night or warranted more study. Ultimately, McLean and Kellar acquiesced and agreed to let staff research implications of making an arts commission.

Then, at last, we came to public participation, the discordant notes in a chorus of “Things Keep Getting Better.” Alan Ferdman spoke on behalf of himself alone (unusual, no?), and TimBen Boydston also spoke. They were both worried about the people of SCV not being heard in Public Participation at CC meetings and as part of the One Valley One Vision process, respectively. Then, the poor, defeated Nadine Teter of Benz Road traffic victim fame came forward with DVDs for councilmembers to watch. Presumably, they'll show how much life sucks when you have to deal with thousands of cut-through car trips on a residential street. One really has to feel bad for her. She got traffic relief for all of a week and is now back to square one.

The City Manager talked in a kinda-not-really-being-too-direct-in-responding fashion, and the meeting was done.

[1]Agenda here
[2]I still don't quite get what the Parkmobile does, but I know I'm against it with every fiber of my being

Only in SCV: [BLANK] in the River

I know. The annual Santa Clara River Rally was three weeks ago. I haven’t yet had time to blog about it (or anything else, for that matter) for several reasons, none of which would be of any particular interest to you. Still, I think the river needs to be discussed. Thus, here are notes on the mighty Santa Clara presented somewhat late. As repayment for my tardiness, I offer you a theme: [BLANK] in the river.

But before getting to what [BLANK] is, let me set the scene: the River Rally comprised mostly high school students doing community service for class requirements or to put on college applications. There were also the obligatory scout troops and a fair sprinkling of local crazies. Once you arrived, you signed a waiver (something like “by signing this sheet, I agree not to sue the City and transfer ownership of my undying soul to Mr. Ken Pulskamp”). For your trouble, you got a bright green wrist band. Next, you were supposed to go to some inane “Biology Training” where they told you not to pick up snakes, eat the wildlife, or needlessly trample endangered species. I skipped that part. Finally, you were given gloves and a big trash bag and told to clean the river to your heart’s content.

No, your eyes do not deceive you. There were a lot (>1000) of Claritans at the clean-up, many of them young and with far better ways to spend their Saturday morning. What drove them to clean? Most likely, they recognized that volunteering gives a boost to college apps and improves their odds of one day escaping Santa Clarita.

.

After picking up trash and dumping it at a designated spot, you were handsomely rewarded with swag. You got quite a lot of free stuff in the tent set up for local groups and businesses, among it compact fluorescent lights, a blue reusable grocery bag, vast quantities of pens and pencils, a thing that made noise and blew bubbles, earth-shaped stress balls, and bananas.

Now that you have the background on what you could have experienced if you actually showed up to the River Rally, it’s time for you and me to move onto the [BLANK] of [BLANK] in the River.

1. Shit in the River
And I do mean shit in its most literal form. There are people living in the Santa Clara River (see Item #2), and people, with rare exception, defecate. This led to an abundance of used toilet paper in parts of the river bed.

A friend and I got to the River Rally early, and we were part of the advance guard moving north through the wash. I started picking up pieces of white, linty paper when my friend yelled “That’s used toilet paper!” Unfortunately, I hadn’t noticed the used part before picking it up.

Now the good news was that I was wearing gloves. The bad news is they were basically loosely-woven garden gloves, not exactly ideal for handling…y’know.

Other cleaners also went on to encounter the discarded toilet paper. Two high school girls showed remarkable ingenuity when confronted with this challenge. Like in a documentary about primitive man, they improvised tools from sticks, spearing the toilet paper with a sharp branch before putting it in the trash bag. I was duly impressed.

I don’t think the shit in the river problem warrants latex gloves for all cleaners next year, but maybe a shit brigade could see that the little kids don’t accidentally stumble across a pile of used toilet paper.

2. People in the River
At the risk of redundancy, POTRs—People/Persons Of The River—are a regular feature of the Santa Clara riverbed. Theirs is a seasonal lifestyle with winter floods and river clean-ups forcing them to temporarily live elsewhere.

One POTR residence, beneath a cottonwood tree, stood directly in the path of the clean-up. It was clear this was no beer drinking venue for teens; it was a home. There were big, multi-gallon water containers sitting in the shade. There was a relatively clean mattress, a table with chair, tarps to block afternoon sun, and even a little stuffed teddy bear. The number of discarded food wrappers and personal items suggested they’d been there for a while. I lingered in front of the tree sheltering these living quarters, curious to how people would react.

POTR residence.

One mom with a group of kids simply steered her helpers away from the tree, saying other people would take care of it. A high school student wandered through the site and wordlessly examined all of the possessions. Most people respected the fact that this was somebody’s stuff--probably all they had--and didn’t treat it like trash.

When I returned to see what had happened a bit later, however, I found the whole area cleared. The simplest explanation is that a group of cleaners after us had decided to demolish the little home under a tree. The whole thing makes me uncomfortable. Sure, the POTRs didn’t own the land and they were leaving a lot of trash, but it felt like one was violating some deep, unspoken law of personal property after even walking into the encampment. I suppose the eviction was inevitable, though. If it hadn’t been the cleaners, it would be the rains. That's life for POTRs.

3. Arundo in the River

I want to close with what I think is excellent news.

There’s a plant called Arundo donax—“Giant Reed” (the reed used in wood wind instruments). I hear most people call it bamboo, which is close enough. In any case, Arundo (uh-RUN-doe) is native to the Mediterranean. Some years ago, it was introduced to California and invaded rivers and washes mercilessly. Bits of the plant break off in floods and reroot elsewhere, helping it spread. It is well established in many parts of the Santa Clara.

The downsides of Arundo are many:
1. It’s very flammable.
2. It breaks easily in winter floods and can clog the infrastructure that helps channel flood waters away from homes.
3. It is inedible to most local insects. By supporting fewer insects, there is less food for local lizards, birds, and other insectivores.
4. Non-native Arundo can smother native willows and herbaceous riparian plants, leading to less biodiversity in our rivers.

It’s also creepily hard to kill. I cut a few canes of it to use as supports for my green bean vines. I cut the Arundo canes off at the base, which would have killed most plants, and I set them in direct, 95-degree sunlight for two days. I then plopped the canes in the ground for the beans to twine up. Within a matter of weeks, the Arundo canes had rooted and were producing new leaves. I was justifiably freaked out by the plant that wouldn’t die.

Clearly, to remove Arundo, you need a devoted team of specialists. At September's City Council meeting, the Council approved a measure to do just that and have Arundo in the Santa Clara removed. It will be good for the environment and, better yet, grants are paying for it. So way to go, SCV, for letting people do good, positive work for free. But motives and investment aside, the Santa Clara River will be the better for Arundo removal, just as it stands better for removal of all that trash.

Here I'd make a joke about trash and Santa Clarita, but where's the sport in that?

Happenings: Benz Road Woes

After taking a trip to Lombardi Ranch for corn, I decided to stop by Benz Road and admire the diverter. The white-washed tagging on the K-rail spoke to its impending demise: "THIS DOESN'T WORK" and "NOT SAFE!" A woman driving by echoed these sentiments. She paused and we conversed thusly:

HER "Are you taking pictures to complain?"

ME "Yeah." [hopes that's the correct response]

HER "Good!" [speeds off]

Background for those in need: Benz Road was very heavily used as a cut-through to get from Copper Hill Drive to Bouquet Canyon Road, much to the displeasure of Benz Road homeowners. After years of begging for a solution, a diverter was installed to cut down on the traffic speeding through Benz. Outcry from neighboring drivers over the diverter very quickly precipitated this afternoon’s special City Council meeting.

Today's special meeting got off to a good start. Most mercifully, Mayor Kellar suggested that comments be kept under one minute. Even with this reduction in talk time, the sheer volume of speakers meant about an hour of comments.

As a group, the speakers reaffirmed that Santa Claritans are very healthy communicators, utterly unafraid to make venomous remarks about their neighbors for the record. Those who opposed the diverter did everything from shouting semi-coherently about how Benz Road residents “should not inconvenience us, they should move!” to talking about how their special needs kids now had to sit on the bus for unacceptably longer commutes. Speakers who liked the diverter compared the crowd against it to a kid screaming for a candy bar in the market. Quality of life trumped convenience, they claimed.

Both sides struggled to own the “safety” angle. Benz Road residents and supporters pointed out how having a diverter made Benz Road a much safer place for homeowners and their children. Fans of the cut-through countered with the argument that fire trucks wouldn’t be able to quickly reach families in need with the diverter in place. While I’m sure some of these people were sincere, there’s no doubt that others were using “slower emergency response time” as code for “I miss my shortcut.”

I quickly reached hyperbole overload, desensitized to real safety issues by the sensational claims people were making. It was the end of the world no matter what the Council decided.

At the end of public comments, a few distinct options emerged:


1. Leave the diverter for the 3-month study period. Let the data dictate what is done next.
2. Diverter out, speed bumps in.
3. Diverter out! Diverter out! Diverter out!
4. Close off Benz Road at its origin (Copper Hill) to alleviate problems.



So you're not in suspense any longer, they went with No. 2. Interpret that as you will.


The decision came after a fair bit of back and forth among councilmembers. Particularly vociferous was Mayor Pro-Tem Ferry, so much so that Councilmember Ender said—good naturedly, of course--“I want one of those marshmallow guns so I can shoot you for you to stop talking.” Ferry unveiled a grand plan for the City to stop a number of traffic regulating measures. He said that if roads are available, they ought to be used. Ferry feared that giving Benz Road speed bumps would lead to every citizen in Santa Clarita demanding them for their own streets. He even talked about how longer car trips around the diverter would contribute to global warming. After all, it is well known that our local contribution to climate change is the thing that keeps Ferry up at night.

Councilmember Laurene Weste demolished a number of Ferry’s arguments quite succinctly. By this point, it was clear that the diverter was toast, so she focused on Ferry’s remarks about speed bumps/humps/cushions, which were proposed as an alternative. She said Ferry couldn't have it both ways (basically he said that speed bumps would not work at all but everybody in SCV would want them and the City would have to pay). She said that trying the speed bumps could be a good way to establish once and for all whether they work, and Ender mentioned how the investment could be reused elsewhere if found ineffective for Benz. Councilmember McLean had a fair bit to say too, agreeing with Ferry on the speed bumps: “Speed bumps, speed cushions—everybody thinks that’s going to be the panacea but it’s not.” But nothing was more entertaining than when she struck back at audience members hissing at her: “I can hiss back at you [hisses, smiles wryly]” Sometimes, sometimes, I really like her pluck.

Eventually, Ferry made a three-pronged motion to remove the diverter, replace turn restrictions, and have staff work on comprehensive, city-wide policy against certain traffic regulating measures like speed bumps, special restrictions, and diverters. The vote failed, and Council then weighed in on several smaller motions. Here’s how all the votes went:




So basically, the diverter is gone, turn restrictions returned, and it ends up that Marsha McLean and Frank Ferry think a lot alike when it comes to traffic.

So is everything resolved? It's quite unlikely. We're in for hearing about how expensive the speed humps are, who will foot the bill, the results of their implementation, etc... Of course, then there's Nadine Teter who said that a reliable source had told her the City Council agreed to remove the diverter well before having the special meeting. Will she pursue this alleged violation of the Brown Act, as promised/threatened?

There are at least four things to be learned about Santa Claritans from this clash:
1. We don't want anyone's kids to get run over, but if it gets to that point, we volunteer to have their kids run over, not our own.
2. People will insist that there are solutions to problems that quite plainly don't have solutions--we just need more studies and creative thinking!
3. It's Southern California, and there's nothing like driving to get us fired up.
4. Those who complain the loudest win--at least sometimes.

Happenings: Hospital Talk, STAT!

Before Talking Hospital...

Tonight’s City Council meeting rushed headlong towards discussion of the Henry Mayo Newhall Memorial Hospital/G&L Realty expansion plan. There was a nice pause to recognize the team of Claritans who work at JPL and helped on the Mars Phoenix Project, but after that, things moved with great haste. Public participation was moved to the end of the meeting, and the Council breezed through an 8 item consent calendar in a matter of seconds. The public hearing that preceded the HMNMH discussion got a continuation, and we were suddenly onto the topic that brought the people to City Hall: the Master Plan for Henry Mayo.

Presentations Times Three
Staff brought things to a profound halt with their presentations. The PowerPoint slides and monotone spiels were necessary evils, though, getting everyone on the same page—theoretically.

1. The first presentation was a general review of the history of the expansion project and a summary of the revisions incorporated into the Master Plan now before council. We were reminded that the applicants would like to build more than 60 feet above present height limits, that they plan to unceremoniously plop enormous office buildings and parking structures into the heart of suburbia, etc…

The City took the interesting tack of putting “Inpatient Building” at the top of a list of what applicants G&L Realty/HMNMH are requesting to build. This new hospital building will be neither the largest nor the first-built component of the project, but it was plainly the part that expansion-advocates wanted to highlight. In the comedy portion of the program, we learned about the “major modifications” made to the old Master Plan after public input. These included making one of the parking structures subterranean, reducing overall square footage, enhanced landscaping, and pedestrian "amenities.”

2. The second presentation was about the revised EIR. It included a new emphasis on how the hospital’s construction will impact global warming. I couldn’t help but laughing, imagining how global climate models will change based on what happens in a tiny piece of a tiny city on a tiny bit of the earth’s surface. It was far less amusing to learn that there will be “significant and unavoidable” deterioration of air quality and increase in noise during construction of the campus. Impacts on traffic were kind of breezed over.

The most interesting part was learning about the alternatives explored in the EIR, including building of the Inpatient Building only, of a shorter Inpatient Building, of only some of the Medical Office Buildings, etc…

3. The final presentation dealt with the development agreement. That’s the means of compelling construction of the new Inpatient Building. The developer must submit plans for the hospital and have “steel in the air” on the new Inpatient Building before they can occupy and/or construct some of the medical office buildings. It’s kind of like bribing a kid to eat his vegetables (i.e., expand the hospital) by promising him a big piece of chocolate cake (i.e., lucrative medical office buildings) afterwards. The presentation disclosed that there is still a “no obligation to develop clause” that means the Inpatient Building could, quite legally, never be built. This was tempered by the promise that there will be no eminent domain and the assertion that the present development agreement is relatively stringent(ish).

Roger Seaver Speaks, Craig Peters Insults

The “applicant” was given 30 minutes to present its case. HMNMH CEO Roger Seaver started things off with the predictable “This is not just about medical buildings” speech. He flaunted benefits of the Master Plan: a neonatal ICU, increasing the number of operating rooms by 50%, and “enhanced architecture on all buildings to reflect ‘the look of Valencia.’” He emphasized the word “community.” I heard little hope in his voice, just fatigue from a very, very long process.

Craig Peters, Senior V.P. of Industrial Properties at CB Richard Ellis, and member of the hospital board was next to speak. Excuse me: Mr. Peters was the next one to allow us the distinct pleasure of hearing his voice and marveling at his 80s-style coiffure. Indeed, Craig Peters came off as pompous, condescending, and self-important. He urged the City Council to ignore the “handful of opponents” to the project, dismissing them as “NIMBYs” and “no-growthers.” Only commercial real estate experts can truly understand the complexities of the Master Plan, he explained to the unwashed masses in the audience. Anyone else really ought to just shut up and accept that G&L Realty has to move forward with expansion as laid out in the Master Plan. In short, he decided to insult the opposition rather than entice or persuade them. We shall see how well it works.

Public Comments
Emotional Story Sharers—Support and Opposition
Many of the comments from the public were highly emotional. A man in the midst of battle against lymphoma, parents whose children had been hurt in accidents, and a mother requiring two emergency C-sections all shared their stories. The story-sharers speaking in favor of the Master Plan said we couldn’t wait any longer—a let’s-take-what-we-can-get-approach. The story-sharers against the Master Plan wanted desperately to see more hospital before more medical office buildings. One speaker suggested that more MOBs could interfere with the ability of people to get in and out of the hospital, thereby hurting those most in need.

In Support
Several doctors came forward in support, as did residents expressing the sentiment “I went to Henry Mayo and it was great; give them what they want.”

In Opposition—[I’m growing weary; prepare for sloppy transitions]
There were several technical objections to the Master Plan. Speakers mentioned that “Master plans must conform to their underlying zone”—it’s on the books—and this project would violate zoning ordinances. Cam Noltemeyer asked why the hospital was reduced in square footage when it’s the one element of the project we most need. She wondered why G&L office buildings are allowed to sprawl forcing the Inpatient Tower to soar 100’ into the air.

Several poked fun at ads released by the hospital. Dr. Gene Dorio said that 4 of the 7 doctors quoted in a pro-expansion ad said the “ad distorts their opinions of the Master Plan.” Dorio said the helipad was very poorly sited and would require awkward trips in elevators and across a 1/3 mile stretch to deliver critical patients to the hospital.

Lindsey was the first of three Newhalls to speak out against the hospital (whose namesake happens to be her ancestor). Reena Newhall was predictably outspoken, ridiculing an ad put out that made factually impossible claims about how long a doctor worked at HMNMH. Tony Newhall began with a dramatic flourish that pushed Recuse-a-thon-’08 forward. He handed over papers to City Council that will impel SmartGrowthSCV efforts to have Frank Ferry and Laurie Ender recuse themselves for being unduly biased in favor of the hospital expansion. He closed by saying “This deal is about real estate” and that Santa Clarita needs “less office space, more operating rooms.”

TimBen Boydston revealed the fruits of his independent research into the parking situation at HMNMH. He requested half-an-hour to detail his findings at a special meeting in November. Tonight, he was ready to make the claim that “The project has a huge parking deficit” and that the study used to defend parking plans had “huge flaws”, not the least of which was provisioning zero parking spaces for ER patients.

Roger Rebuts, Except Not
Seaver had a chance to rebut, but he basically conveyed that he’d rather just send a written reply. At the urging of Councilmember Laurene Weste and the questioning of Mayor Pro-Tem Frank Ferry, he talked a little, but it’s safe to say his real rebuttal to accusations made during tonight’s meeting will come later and in writing.

Laurie Ender asked a quite important question quite frankly: “Is there enough parking in this plan?” Seaver replied “I can say with great confidence there is.” After the many accusations that preceded this reply, I think we still have those who remain less than convinced.

Council Comments
Councilmember Marsha McLean offered certain proof that she has been doing her reading about the Master Plan. She presented papers littered with sticky notes and asked a number of questions that had come up during her close reading. Many of these weren’t answered very satisfactorily by City staff, but they helped define areas to clarify in future meetings.

Ferry finally responded to the cries for recusal. He quite correctly asserted that people want their elected officials to hold and express opinions. He said that’s all he’s been doing while contending that “My mind’s always open.” Unfortunately, he talked about the expansion as something that is unequivocally going to happen—he’ll make it the best expansion possible, but some kind of expansion is a foregone conclusion. This is why people will still cry “Recuse!”--he should also be open to considering the option of flat-out rejecting the Master Plan.

Public Participation
Public Participation consisted of people who stayed till the bitter end to speak speaking about how they disliked having to stay till the bitter end to speak. The idea of moving PP to the end of the meeting was Ken Pulskamp’s, according to TimBen Boyston, and I must say that I kind of like it. As Mayor Kellar pointed out, it makes sure that people whose items are on the agenda get a fair chance to speak. It also means that you really have to care about what you have to say in order to stick around to say it, so getting whole neighborhoods to show up will prove harder to accomplish and thus even more impressive at upcoming meetings. After these comments, the meeting mercifully adjourned.

SYNTHESIS
Everyone wants a new, bigger, better hospital. The plans to expand the campus are very big plans indeed, but most of the space is going towards medical office buildings, not a hospital. Even after revisions and scaling back, buildings on the campus will grossly violate the building height and density standards for residential low zones. Before a decision is reached, there must be significant clarification reagarding: the traffic and parking issue, commitment to Centers of Excellence, and a convincing discussion of why we can't go ahead with one of the less-dense alternatives presented in the EIR.

PSA*: Claritans Need More Medical Office Space...NOW!

*Public Service Announcement

On the HMNMH campus. Taken 9/18.

Just across from City Hall. Taken 9/22.

Near the Lyons/Wiley intersection. Taken 9/22.

Hospital beds and operating rooms can wait. The people of Santa Clarita need more medical office space. And they need it now.

It’s time we get together as a community and support the Henry Mayo Newhall Memorial Hospital Master Plan. G&L Realty will ensure that two enormous medical office buildings are built before a new inpatient building is even considered. The longer we wait, the longer people will be forced to schedule elective medical procedures at inconvenient times.

Please, show your support on Tuesday, September 23 at 6pm, when the City Council assembles to discuss the Master Plan. We can't afford to wait any longer.

Happenings: Conservative Clarita

When J to the Wilson broke news that Claritans are donating twice as much money to Obama as McCain[1], I feared for the conservative heart of SCV. I decided to investigate how well the Red State lifestyle is doing in Santa Clarita by going on the ultimate Red-Valley-in-a-Blue-State-Friday-night: Republican Rally followed by Church BBQ. I am pleased to say that I had little to fear. Clarita’s still conservative despite lackluster donations to the cause.

Republican Warehouse* Warming

*Warehouse exports traditional American Values

Though I’ll be voting McCain-Palin, I found the grand opening of the new SCV Republican headquarters[2] a bit, well, awkward. My few conversations were terse and clumsy. In a sea of middle-aged suburbanites with kids in tote and silvering grand dames of the GOP, I ended up resorting to my comfort zone: sit and judge—in the most supportive way possible, of course.

The new headquarters are essentially a warehouse, but the building is not without its perks. For example, the roll-up metal door for industrial loading/unloading offered excellent ventilation. To be fair, there were actual, air-conditioned rooms that had been built in the back of the concrete shell. I christened these the inner sanctum, housing the phones, “McCain/Palin 08” yard signs, and other accoutrements vital to winning a campaign.

"You can put Palin posters on cement walls but they’re still cement walls", Obama is alleged to have said[3]. And yes, I know the pictures are very bad.

Filling the space were many Claritans of Consequence. Hunt Braly[4] puttered around, eating an enormous bunch of green grapes. He was working the room, darting purposefully from one friend to the next. My attempts at eavesdropping on his almost certainly important conversations failed miserably; all I got was a suspicious glance. (Note to self: invest in eavesdropping device advertised on late-night infomercial).

Councilmember Laurie Ender came in later. She was all smiles. Kevin Korenthal, the conservative “SoCalPundit”[5], was also present. An emissary from Buck McKeon’s office showed up. Suffice it to say the people here were more important than those at the opening of the Democrat Headquarters in Newhall.

I’m not sure what kind of food was offered at that other, bluer opening, but offerings here were modest—crackers with cheese slices; chips and salsa; brownie bites; $5 wines. I thought the less than gourmet spread was admirable. Pass the cash saved on smoked salmon onto McCain, I say! Like the food, the headquarters aren’t exactly luxurious, but the inner sanctum seemed highly functional. The stream-lining, cost-cutting mind of a skilled capitalist was apparent, all profits going the Republican way.

Despite a spirited shouting of “McCain, McCain, McCain, McCain, McCain, McCain, MCCAAAAAAAAIN!!!” I thought there was more enthusiasm for Sarah Palin. I saw more pro-Palin T-shirts than McCain shirts; on the tables, her face was cleverly superimposed on Rosie the Riveter posters reading “We Can Do It!”; there was a woman selling dog tags with Palin’s picture; and McCain was rarely mentioned without also mentioning Sarah Palin.

.

Apart from the Alaskan Governor, people seemed enthused about the towering Tony Strickland. He gave a speech (it was alright…a bit too long…and he should have relaxed his clenched fists…but overall, acceptable) and garnered applause, cheers, and the like.

Unfortunately, I had to leave before the band started. Still, I was around long enough to confirm that both Santa Clarita's common folk and more recognizable public figures are supporting the GOP. Next time, I’ll skip the event and just send money.

Johnny Cash and Jesus

Considerably better-attended (several thousand for the night) was the annual “bar-b-q-fiesta” on the OLPH Church grounds. When I was little, thrill rides at the barbecue were limited to ponies and swing sets. Organizers later upgraded to Ferris Wheels and big slides, but now things are out of control. Everywhere I saw metal carriages and tracks colluding to invert, accelerate, and spin riders. As I passed them, I instinctively mumbled a Hail Mary for no multi-million dollar lawsuits.

In the middle of the parking lot, an enormous expanse of tent canopies and tables accommodated fiesta goers who came to eat. Each of the various Catholic ethnic groups (Italians, Mexicans, Filipinos…) had their own offerings (cannoli, tacos, lumpia…) along with the traditional barbecue beef. Alcohol, of course, was available in various forms and contributed to some overly generous bids on silent auction items.

As darkness (the natural, nighttime sort that wasn’t a metaphor for evil) enveloped OLPH, a Johnny Cash cover band played. Apart from Cash classics, they also played country favorites like “Redneck Woman.” The singer was pretty good and really, who doesn’t like hearing the words “I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die” at a religious function?

Folsom Prison Blues may contemplate sin and punishment, but more overtly religious lyrics came from the hip hop dance area the church provided for teens. As we passed it, the DJ played Ice Cube’s “You Can Do It”—the lightly censored version. To quote the uncensored version:

“So pray to the Lord that I don’t pull out/ Cuss out and bust out/ Go to nigga raveling/ Make the clip traveling, uh/ You can try to smoke an ounce to this/ While I pronounce this shit/ Baby bounce them tits/ Mama move them hips/ Baby shake them cheeks/ I got dick for days/ You got ass for weeks, yeah, yeah.”

See? They mention God in the first line. The less seemly language that follows could be easily sorted out with the help of a ruler-wielding nun.

In sum, the grand opening in the Industrial Center showed that Clarians are willing and able to organize and fundraise for the Republican Party. The SCV GOP has some (i.e., all) real local power-players on its side. At OLPH, we learned that a combination of country music, beer, food, line dancing, and kid-friendly carnival games benefiting a religious organization can still draw a crowd. Clearly, the conservative spirit remains alive and well in SCV. So let the rest of California drive their Priuses to protests of big business and planned parenthood fundraisers. We’ll be the red valley in the heart[6] of this blue state.

[1] http://scvtalk.com/2008/09/17/scv-residents-donate-to-obama-over-mccain-by-21/
[2]The story, as covered by The Signal, is here

[3]Alleged by me.

[4]Person who sees that those with sufficient money get their way in Santa Clarita

[5]Blog down

[6]Kidney region is probably more accurate

Happenings: Delightful Events and Troubling Qs from Newhall

There’s a lot going on in Newhall this Saturday. Apart from the usual dealing of drugs, eating of Way Station breakfasts, playing of soccer, revitalizing of Old Town, tagging of walls, visiting of parks, selling of fruit from trucks, drinking of Doc’s Inn alcohol, admiring of murals, hawking of labor, installing of elaborate wrought-iron gates, feeding of Hart Park animals, mowing of lawns, attending of picnics, and receiving of special massages at as-yet-un-busted massage parlors, there will be several special events.

These events are detailed below for your weekend planning pleasure. If you get your timing right, you can go to all of them—I certainly plan to. Events are presented with a series of questions I hope to be able to answer by the weekend’s finish.

EVENT: River Rally & Environmental Expo (click for details!), 8am-11am, free
APPEAL: Watching Claritans attempt to interact with nature in positive way
BURNING QUESTION: Do POTR residences count as trash?

I walk in the Santa Clara River a lot. I’ve always felt that the tires and shopping carts give it a nice, lived in appearance. A few thousand people disagree with me, though, and they’ll be walking the dry riverbed to pick up trash on Saturday morning. (I will be the one fighting to keep it in place.)

Troublingly, I know of at least two POTRs (People Of The River—those who live, sleep and eat in the river wash) dwelling along the stretch of river targeted for cleansing. One of them has two tents and a kitchen table beneath a lovely cottonwood tree. What a fun confrontation it will be when the Girl Scouts and other community do-gooders meet the POTRs. “Hey, that’s not trash, it’s my home!”

This time of year, the river is rusty with the seedheads of California Buckwheat and golden with the flower of Scalebroom (more attractive than it sounds). Why not make things even prettier by picking up trash? The plants--gleaned from the Santa Clara a few days ago--from left to right, are Tree Tobacco (non-native), Butterweed, Scalebroom, and Common Sunflower.

EVENT: Hart Park Anniversary[1] and Excess Freight & Baggage Sale (click for information!), sale starts 8am
APPEAL: Being in a[2] historic place on a quasi-historic day and buying other people’s stuff which is probably old, perhaps historic
QUESTION: Can Leon Worden count?

This week we received the Newhall Gazette. I learned that (1)The William S. Hart Park and Museum will celebrate the 50th anniversary of its dedication on Saturday, (2)There will be an “Excess Freight & Baggage Sale” (i.e., garage sale) at the Saugus Train Station to help restore the Pardee House on the same day, and (3) Leon Worden may lack basic counting skills.

I didn’t get any sense of what manner of events will be commemorating the dedication of the Hart Mansion and property, but it’s a good excuse to visit. I haven’t been to the Hart Museum for nearly a year, so it’s high time for a refresher course.

As for the garage sale thing at the Saugus Train Station, I will go primarily in hopes of encountering a ghost. I will also look at the things for sale and judge the former owners for having bought said things. Pat Saletore was listed as a contact for this event; perhaps a certain purveyor of Daily Briefs could visit and discuss hauntings with her after their spirited (ha! a pun!) electronic exchange over a ghostly fundraiser.

After informing me about these two great events, the Newhall Gazzette led me to question Leon Worden’s counting skills. You see, he wrote “The City Council unanimously approved an ordinance to prohibit the demolition of more than sixty houses and ‘potentially historic’ structures in Santa Clarita.” While there was unanimous approval to send the ordinance to a second reading, only 3 of 5 CC members foolishly approved the final ordinance. This isn’t the first time L.W. has miscounted; he also claimed attendance of 25,000 at the Fourth of July Parade that was clearly attended by only about 7,000. He ought to be confronted with flashcards to determine his counting prowess once and for all.

EVENT: Frontier Days Bar-B-Q Fiesta at OLPH Church, 4pm – 11pm, free (pay for rides & games/food). Click here for more info (click on "Our Fiesta" at bottom of page)
APPEAL: Eating in carnival-like atmosphere while in shadow of salvation factory
QUESTION: Is gluttony a sin when it benefits the Church?

Our Lady of Perpetual Help Church will have its annual barbecue this weekend. I’ve rarely missed a year. Despite being put on by a church, it has minimal religious overtones and is widely attended by the faithful and heathens alike. It’s most fun for those under 12 (games! silly string! churros!) or those over 60 (my old friends who haven’t died yet! margaritas! churros!). Still, I go to eat and people-watch and find it thoroughly enjoyable.

EVENT: Gawk at Madeover Street, any time, information on location/background here
APPEAL: Check out how the Extreme Neighborhood Makeover made Market Street look prettier!
QUESTION: You call this a makeover?

A portion of East Newhall will be the second neighborhood to endure a “Block Party” in the name of making the place more presentable and up-to-code. Since you’ll be in the neighborhood anyways, you should stop by to see how things are looking up…or looking the same.

[1]Hart website

[2]I refuse to do the "an historic" thing that everyone does now. It's thoroughly un-American. And it's immoral.