PSA*: Claritans Need More Medical Office Space...NOW!

*Public Service Announcement

On the HMNMH campus. Taken 9/18.

Just across from City Hall. Taken 9/22.

Near the Lyons/Wiley intersection. Taken 9/22.

Hospital beds and operating rooms can wait. The people of Santa Clarita need more medical office space. And they need it now.

It’s time we get together as a community and support the Henry Mayo Newhall Memorial Hospital Master Plan. G&L Realty will ensure that two enormous medical office buildings are built before a new inpatient building is even considered. The longer we wait, the longer people will be forced to schedule elective medical procedures at inconvenient times.

Please, show your support on Tuesday, September 23 at 6pm, when the City Council assembles to discuss the Master Plan. We can't afford to wait any longer.

Happenings: Conservative Clarita

When J to the Wilson broke news that Claritans are donating twice as much money to Obama as McCain[1], I feared for the conservative heart of SCV. I decided to investigate how well the Red State lifestyle is doing in Santa Clarita by going on the ultimate Red-Valley-in-a-Blue-State-Friday-night: Republican Rally followed by Church BBQ. I am pleased to say that I had little to fear. Clarita’s still conservative despite lackluster donations to the cause.

Republican Warehouse* Warming

*Warehouse exports traditional American Values

Though I’ll be voting McCain-Palin, I found the grand opening of the new SCV Republican headquarters[2] a bit, well, awkward. My few conversations were terse and clumsy. In a sea of middle-aged suburbanites with kids in tote and silvering grand dames of the GOP, I ended up resorting to my comfort zone: sit and judge—in the most supportive way possible, of course.

The new headquarters are essentially a warehouse, but the building is not without its perks. For example, the roll-up metal door for industrial loading/unloading offered excellent ventilation. To be fair, there were actual, air-conditioned rooms that had been built in the back of the concrete shell. I christened these the inner sanctum, housing the phones, “McCain/Palin 08” yard signs, and other accoutrements vital to winning a campaign.

"You can put Palin posters on cement walls but they’re still cement walls", Obama is alleged to have said[3]. And yes, I know the pictures are very bad.

Filling the space were many Claritans of Consequence. Hunt Braly[4] puttered around, eating an enormous bunch of green grapes. He was working the room, darting purposefully from one friend to the next. My attempts at eavesdropping on his almost certainly important conversations failed miserably; all I got was a suspicious glance. (Note to self: invest in eavesdropping device advertised on late-night infomercial).

Councilmember Laurie Ender came in later. She was all smiles. Kevin Korenthal, the conservative “SoCalPundit”[5], was also present. An emissary from Buck McKeon’s office showed up. Suffice it to say the people here were more important than those at the opening of the Democrat Headquarters in Newhall.

I’m not sure what kind of food was offered at that other, bluer opening, but offerings here were modest—crackers with cheese slices; chips and salsa; brownie bites; $5 wines. I thought the less than gourmet spread was admirable. Pass the cash saved on smoked salmon onto McCain, I say! Like the food, the headquarters aren’t exactly luxurious, but the inner sanctum seemed highly functional. The stream-lining, cost-cutting mind of a skilled capitalist was apparent, all profits going the Republican way.

Despite a spirited shouting of “McCain, McCain, McCain, McCain, McCain, McCain, MCCAAAAAAAAIN!!!” I thought there was more enthusiasm for Sarah Palin. I saw more pro-Palin T-shirts than McCain shirts; on the tables, her face was cleverly superimposed on Rosie the Riveter posters reading “We Can Do It!”; there was a woman selling dog tags with Palin’s picture; and McCain was rarely mentioned without also mentioning Sarah Palin.

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Apart from the Alaskan Governor, people seemed enthused about the towering Tony Strickland. He gave a speech (it was alright…a bit too long…and he should have relaxed his clenched fists…but overall, acceptable) and garnered applause, cheers, and the like.

Unfortunately, I had to leave before the band started. Still, I was around long enough to confirm that both Santa Clarita's common folk and more recognizable public figures are supporting the GOP. Next time, I’ll skip the event and just send money.

Johnny Cash and Jesus

Considerably better-attended (several thousand for the night) was the annual “bar-b-q-fiesta” on the OLPH Church grounds. When I was little, thrill rides at the barbecue were limited to ponies and swing sets. Organizers later upgraded to Ferris Wheels and big slides, but now things are out of control. Everywhere I saw metal carriages and tracks colluding to invert, accelerate, and spin riders. As I passed them, I instinctively mumbled a Hail Mary for no multi-million dollar lawsuits.

In the middle of the parking lot, an enormous expanse of tent canopies and tables accommodated fiesta goers who came to eat. Each of the various Catholic ethnic groups (Italians, Mexicans, Filipinos…) had their own offerings (cannoli, tacos, lumpia…) along with the traditional barbecue beef. Alcohol, of course, was available in various forms and contributed to some overly generous bids on silent auction items.

As darkness (the natural, nighttime sort that wasn’t a metaphor for evil) enveloped OLPH, a Johnny Cash cover band played. Apart from Cash classics, they also played country favorites like “Redneck Woman.” The singer was pretty good and really, who doesn’t like hearing the words “I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die” at a religious function?

Folsom Prison Blues may contemplate sin and punishment, but more overtly religious lyrics came from the hip hop dance area the church provided for teens. As we passed it, the DJ played Ice Cube’s “You Can Do It”—the lightly censored version. To quote the uncensored version:

“So pray to the Lord that I don’t pull out/ Cuss out and bust out/ Go to nigga raveling/ Make the clip traveling, uh/ You can try to smoke an ounce to this/ While I pronounce this shit/ Baby bounce them tits/ Mama move them hips/ Baby shake them cheeks/ I got dick for days/ You got ass for weeks, yeah, yeah.”

See? They mention God in the first line. The less seemly language that follows could be easily sorted out with the help of a ruler-wielding nun.

In sum, the grand opening in the Industrial Center showed that Clarians are willing and able to organize and fundraise for the Republican Party. The SCV GOP has some (i.e., all) real local power-players on its side. At OLPH, we learned that a combination of country music, beer, food, line dancing, and kid-friendly carnival games benefiting a religious organization can still draw a crowd. Clearly, the conservative spirit remains alive and well in SCV. So let the rest of California drive their Priuses to protests of big business and planned parenthood fundraisers. We’ll be the red valley in the heart[6] of this blue state.

[1] http://scvtalk.com/2008/09/17/scv-residents-donate-to-obama-over-mccain-by-21/
[2]The story, as covered by The Signal, is here

[3]Alleged by me.

[4]Person who sees that those with sufficient money get their way in Santa Clarita

[5]Blog down

[6]Kidney region is probably more accurate

Happenings: Delightful Events and Troubling Qs from Newhall

There’s a lot going on in Newhall this Saturday. Apart from the usual dealing of drugs, eating of Way Station breakfasts, playing of soccer, revitalizing of Old Town, tagging of walls, visiting of parks, selling of fruit from trucks, drinking of Doc’s Inn alcohol, admiring of murals, hawking of labor, installing of elaborate wrought-iron gates, feeding of Hart Park animals, mowing of lawns, attending of picnics, and receiving of special massages at as-yet-un-busted massage parlors, there will be several special events.

These events are detailed below for your weekend planning pleasure. If you get your timing right, you can go to all of them—I certainly plan to. Events are presented with a series of questions I hope to be able to answer by the weekend’s finish.

EVENT: River Rally & Environmental Expo (click for details!), 8am-11am, free
APPEAL: Watching Claritans attempt to interact with nature in positive way
BURNING QUESTION: Do POTR residences count as trash?

I walk in the Santa Clara River a lot. I’ve always felt that the tires and shopping carts give it a nice, lived in appearance. A few thousand people disagree with me, though, and they’ll be walking the dry riverbed to pick up trash on Saturday morning. (I will be the one fighting to keep it in place.)

Troublingly, I know of at least two POTRs (People Of The River—those who live, sleep and eat in the river wash) dwelling along the stretch of river targeted for cleansing. One of them has two tents and a kitchen table beneath a lovely cottonwood tree. What a fun confrontation it will be when the Girl Scouts and other community do-gooders meet the POTRs. “Hey, that’s not trash, it’s my home!”

This time of year, the river is rusty with the seedheads of California Buckwheat and golden with the flower of Scalebroom (more attractive than it sounds). Why not make things even prettier by picking up trash? The plants--gleaned from the Santa Clara a few days ago--from left to right, are Tree Tobacco (non-native), Butterweed, Scalebroom, and Common Sunflower.

EVENT: Hart Park Anniversary[1] and Excess Freight & Baggage Sale (click for information!), sale starts 8am
APPEAL: Being in a[2] historic place on a quasi-historic day and buying other people’s stuff which is probably old, perhaps historic
QUESTION: Can Leon Worden count?

This week we received the Newhall Gazette. I learned that (1)The William S. Hart Park and Museum will celebrate the 50th anniversary of its dedication on Saturday, (2)There will be an “Excess Freight & Baggage Sale” (i.e., garage sale) at the Saugus Train Station to help restore the Pardee House on the same day, and (3) Leon Worden may lack basic counting skills.

I didn’t get any sense of what manner of events will be commemorating the dedication of the Hart Mansion and property, but it’s a good excuse to visit. I haven’t been to the Hart Museum for nearly a year, so it’s high time for a refresher course.

As for the garage sale thing at the Saugus Train Station, I will go primarily in hopes of encountering a ghost. I will also look at the things for sale and judge the former owners for having bought said things. Pat Saletore was listed as a contact for this event; perhaps a certain purveyor of Daily Briefs could visit and discuss hauntings with her after their spirited (ha! a pun!) electronic exchange over a ghostly fundraiser.

After informing me about these two great events, the Newhall Gazzette led me to question Leon Worden’s counting skills. You see, he wrote “The City Council unanimously approved an ordinance to prohibit the demolition of more than sixty houses and ‘potentially historic’ structures in Santa Clarita.” While there was unanimous approval to send the ordinance to a second reading, only 3 of 5 CC members foolishly approved the final ordinance. This isn’t the first time L.W. has miscounted; he also claimed attendance of 25,000 at the Fourth of July Parade that was clearly attended by only about 7,000. He ought to be confronted with flashcards to determine his counting prowess once and for all.

EVENT: Frontier Days Bar-B-Q Fiesta at OLPH Church, 4pm – 11pm, free (pay for rides & games/food). Click here for more info (click on "Our Fiesta" at bottom of page)
APPEAL: Eating in carnival-like atmosphere while in shadow of salvation factory
QUESTION: Is gluttony a sin when it benefits the Church?

Our Lady of Perpetual Help Church will have its annual barbecue this weekend. I’ve rarely missed a year. Despite being put on by a church, it has minimal religious overtones and is widely attended by the faithful and heathens alike. It’s most fun for those under 12 (games! silly string! churros!) or those over 60 (my old friends who haven’t died yet! margaritas! churros!). Still, I go to eat and people-watch and find it thoroughly enjoyable.

EVENT: Gawk at Madeover Street, any time, information on location/background here
APPEAL: Check out how the Extreme Neighborhood Makeover made Market Street look prettier!
QUESTION: You call this a makeover?

A portion of East Newhall will be the second neighborhood to endure a “Block Party” in the name of making the place more presentable and up-to-code. Since you’ll be in the neighborhood anyways, you should stop by to see how things are looking up…or looking the same.

[1]Hart website

[2]I refuse to do the "an historic" thing that everyone does now. It's thoroughly un-American. And it's immoral.

OMG It's Nature: Walnut Ink, Locally Produced and Manufactured

I’m being used by a Southern California Black Walnut (Juglans californica[1]). I don’t particularly mind since I’m using the walnut tree, too. Our relationship is based on me taking its babies (i.e., seeds) and giving them a safe place to sprout—more on that later. In exchange, I get walnut husks full of juglone, rendered below.

Juglone, the molecule, in its oxidized form. Gray atoms are carbon, red are oxygen, and hydrogens aren't shown to make for a clearer picture. Making this made me miss chem class[2]. Don't you dare judge me!

Juglone is a rather useful chemical; walnuts manufacture it to kill their neighbors. Indeed, a host of plants from birches to chrysanthemums to tomatoes are sensitive to the juglone that may leach from walnut roots, leaves, or fruits. When planted beneath a walnut, these vulnerable species wither and waste away. There’s no need to share precious water and nutrients when a tree kills its neighbors. Reducing competition—it’s the wisdom of the walnut and the reason for juglone.

Us humans, however, have found many uses for juglone never anticipated by the tree that makes it. When it oxidizes, juglone turns a deep brown. Juglone based inks/dyes are permanent and lightfast, so they are great for hair dye and food coloring[3]. It was even used to embellish the margins of bibles when the good book was handwritten. And that’s what I use juglone for--ink.

Southern California Black Walnut, our local species, excretes less juglone than the walnut trees native to the eastern United States. However, the husks (the green, fleshy tissue that surrounds what is commonly called an unshelled walnut) do produce the chemical in fair concentrations. As proof, you’ll find that if you rip through the husk to reach the walnut inside, your hands will be stained brown for days. I find this a small price to pay for the end product, though. Here’s a summary of how I made said product:

(1) Gather walnuts—10 husks can produce a cup of ink. Juglans californica is listed as “uncommon” in the Jepson Manual (the California plant bible). The best place to find one is along the Santa Clara River or in canyons, anyplace the roots can tap groundwater. Once you’ve found the tree, expect walnut fruits in late summer. They’re peaking right about now. I usually gather the husks left on the ground after ravens and squirrels pillage the nuts inside.

These are ripe walnut fruits. The nut that lies within is small but edible.

(2) Find a metal pot to which you are thoroughly unattached, as you are about to ruin it. Juglone stains metal.

(3) Add the husks and a few rusty nails. The nails are really optional, but the iron they release will bind with tannins in the walnut husks to produce another, blacker compound that will darken the final product.[4]

(4) Barely cover with water. Bring to a boil, then simmer the walnut husk/rusty nail soup for about three to four hours. During this time, add additional water if necessary to keep contents from burning. The liquid will darken rapidly, but you need to boil it for a long time to get out plenty of color.

Hungry?

(5) Let cool. Boiling ink isn’t much fun to play with.

(6) Strain contents through a nylon stocking into a glass jar. You may want to reserve the boiled husks as they help future batches of ink get off to a good start.

(7) Feel slightly ashamed that you spent several hours making walnut ink, not widely regarded as a necessity to modern life.

(8) Use the ink to write, paint, stain wood, or dye textiles.

The pitchy brew shows as a nice sepia tone on paper. Since it was derived from a tree growing right here in SCV, you shouldn’t be surprised that the ink looks pretty but lacks depth.

WANTED: Walnuts

There’s an Indian riddle that asks: If acorns roll downhill, how can there be oaks growing on hilltops? The answer, of course, is squirrels, which are more than happy to run uphill to bury their acorns. They forget about a few of these cached treats and, voila, oak trees sprout on hilltops.

It’s a charming reminder that plants and animals have been helping each other out for a very long time. Plants help animals get food, animals help plants move around. People tend to exclude themselves from these relationships. Troublingly, this most natural of acts—give and take with a plant--feels distinctly unnatural to most with suburban sensibilities.

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As I mentioned before, walnuts are somewhat rare in California. Development has reduced their numbers so that the Southern California Black Walnut is listed as a "4" by the California Native Plant Society: "Plants of Limited Distribution--A Watchlist"[5]. My favorite tree in Santa Clarita happens to be a lonely walnut growing in the field near Old Orchard Road and Hart High School. It’s in the uplands next to the Santa Clara river, a big stately tree that likely outdates the powerlines that run overhead. Birds and rodents eat most of the walnuts, and those that survive and sprout will be mowed down to reduce the risk of fire in the field where the parent tree stands. This is precisely the sort of situation where people can help a plant out and probably ought to help a plant out since we contributed to its predicament.

After gathering husks, I’ll take a few good walnut fruits too, ones still on the tree but with brown mottling on the green flesh. I soak them a few hours at room temperature, peel off the husks and add them to the ink pot (payment from the tree!). Then, I toss the walnuts in the fridge until February to simulate winter. I remove them, and the warmth triggers germination. The resultant seedlings can be given to friends with room for such a tree, and walnuts can spread again through our valley[6].

Maybe one day Santa Clarita will have a new riddle: If walnuts roll downhill, how can there be walnut trees on hilltops? And the answer, of course, will be Santa Claritans.

[1]Sometimes Julgans californica ssp. californica.
[2]Do you miss O-chem too? Draw some organic molecules yourself by clicking here!
[3]Here's the juglone Wikipedia entry
[4]This website gave me the rusty nail tip and a general sense of how to proceed; it also contains some goo d links if you are overcome with the urge to make ink
[5]CNPS
[6] If you know of any walnut trees, please alert me as I’d like to preserve a little more genetic diversity than that inherent in the handful of tress I know of. And if you’d like to grow a walnut tree, email me and I’ll be happy to refer you to a seed source. They'll hurt or kill certain plants growing beneath them, but there are many juglone-resistant species as well.

Happenings: Recuse-a-thon 2008, Old Houses, and Waterfowl

Tonight's City Council meeting proved considerably more watchable than expected. I credit most of this improved watchability to a man in a bird costume.

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THE ENDER-FERRY FAN CLUB, CANVAS ROAD, AND A LARGE YELLOW DUCK
After an inspired invocation by Councilmember Laurene Weste, we had the usual spate of presentations to local groups[1]. While the Soroptimists and the Foundation for Children’s Dental Care took center stage, a yellow duck sat quietly in the front row. After an excruciating wait, the web-footed wonder arose, striding with quiet confidence to the front of the room. It was then introduced as a representative of the Rubber Ducky Regatta, an event benefiting the admirable work of the Sam Dixon Family Health Center[2]. Lacking opposable thumbs, it proved incapable of accepting the recognition plaque.

Duck in audience (left). Ender tries to force-feed duck in shameless appeal to foie gras sympathizers lurking in SCV’s finer eateries (right).

Public Participation came next. Conventional wisdom predicted comments on powerlines and perhaps some follow-ups concerning Benz Road. More comments, however, dealt with traffic on Canvas Street (if it’s not Benz it’s Canvas, right?). These were about as productive as they usually are. Nadine Teter, perennial Canvas speaker, was understandably exasperated at her street’s condition. She went on to request that Mayor Pro-Tem Ferry asnwer her Canvas-related emails like other members of Council do. Apparently, he's being unresponsive.

Nadine Teter wishes Frank would write her more. Get in line, hon!

The bulk of Claritan comments, though, concerned G&L Realty’s big ol’ building project[3]. Getting things off to a rip-roaring start was TimBen Boydston. He began his speech with an uncomfortable analogy between the injustices that prompted us to found the City of SC and those that sparked the Boston Tea Party. Gradually, his voice rose and passion deepened as he chastised the Council for dismissing the concerns of SCV citizens: “They are lectured, they are scolded, they are told that they just don’t understand.” It was a barnburner of the don't-forget-who-you-work-for-we-deserve-better sort and drew thunderous applause, relatively speaking.

Soon after, Lynn Vogel came forward and said “I’m here to speak about bias.” She wasn’t the only one. Many Claritans would take to the podium and ask Frank Ferry and Laurie Ender to recuse themselves from the G&L/HMNMH expansion issue. SmartGrowthSCV's attorneys put forth several arguments as to why Ferry and Ender would be unable to fairly deliberate on the Henry Mayo Master Plan. Speakers dropped quotations from Mayor Pro-Tem Ferry in which he said that he was unabashedly for the expansion project.

Ender did have a couple of people come forward on her side. A certain Sabrina claimed “Laurie Ender is one of the most trustworthy and honest people you will ever meet!” It was all an attempt to peddle the idea that the voters who elected Laurie into office weren't duped by flyers but voted for her after careful evaluation of all eligible candidates. When they voted for Ender, they knew they were voting for a pro-medical office buildings sort of gal.

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“STRONG FEELINGS” vs. “FIRM POSITIONS”
After Public Participation, of course, the people sitting up front got to respond.

Carl Newton, City Attorney, spoke on the issue of Henry Mayo bias. He tried to clarify what sort of biases would force a councilmember to recuse him- or her-self from an issue. The "operative words" of his professional advice, he claimed, were that “a councilmember should not assume a firm position for or against a project” before all information is made available to the public and discussed. He reviewed the letter from SmartGrowthSCV’s attorneys and came to the conclusion that prior comments did not establish any councilmember as having taken a firm position for or against the HMNMH expansion “Certainly there are strong feelings [about the expansion]” but not enough to justify recusal. In short, Newton said that "strong feelings" and "firm positions" are quite different things, especially when it comes to hospitals. One wonders…

Ferry deigned to forgo answering the recusal demands. Ender, on the other hand, responded directly to her critics: “I have no intention of recusing myself on this issue.”
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NO HOME FOR YOU!
After councilmembers took their potty break, there was the Joint City Council/Redevelopment Agency business to attend to. Erin Moore-Lay delivered a presentation on “Acquisition and Rehabilitation of Hidaway Apartments.” Essentially, developer Mercy Housing California sought a loan of more than $2M to restore the apartment complex for use as affordable housing. (I dreamt of the regatta duck through much of Moore-Lay’s oh so very, very thorough presentation.)

When it came time for the public to weigh in, we learned why this wasn’t a universally beloved idea. A couple residents of Hidaway came forward and said they feared being uprooted so that their homes could be rented to other, poorer people. And they would indeed be kicked out if their income was too high to qualify for affordable housing. Based on a voluntary survey, only half of the current residents would be allowed to stay, paying estimated rents of $600-$1200. The others would be kicked out and given three-and-a-half years of housing subsidies to ease the transition.

Despite this downside, the Council decided to go ahead with the loan to Mercy Housing. Pushing councilmembers to take this action was the fact that Mercy Housing was asking for a loan--not the usual grant--to spiffy up the apartments and provide affordable housing. Also, the Hidaway property is in default, and a new owner could come in, raise the rent, and force everyone to leave. More cynically, giving the loan to Mercy represented a relatively painless way for the City to work towards meeting its affordable housing goals. More cynically yet, Cam Noltemeyer suggested this was a way of keeping low-income persons out of the way in Canyon Country.
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FERRY & KELLAR GET IT RIGHT, GET OUT-VOTED

The other big piece of business tonight concerned an ordinance for historic review on a number of properties. Two weeks ago, during the ordinance's first reading, almost all of the comments were gleeful: “Claritans love history and we want to preserve it, rah rah rah!” Tonight, the comments were rather the opposite.

Speakers warned about “overzealous preservationists” and a “malicious perversion of government power.” The list of properties that would face historic review was said to be deeply flawed. Many buildings were simply old, not historic, and their inclusion on the list belied shoddy research. Private property rights stood to be violated, many said, since the ordinance could limit what owners could do with their buildings. Cynthia Harris called it "a totally unfair ordinance.” The bespectacled Harris gazed intently at Mayor Kellar as she gave her comments, saying "Bob, you should know better.”

And ultimately, he did know better. Mayor Kellar noted that historic listing would be a discolsure that would lower property values or make a property harder to sell. After all, what buyer wants limits and reviews on what they can do with the structure they acquire? Mayor Pro-Tem Ferry agreed and did not want to unduly burden historic/pseudo-historic property owners.

Indeed, Cynthia Harris should have directed her "You should know better" quip at Weste, McLean, and Ender.

Before voting in favor, Councilmember McLean talked a lot about the ordinance, asking if the review process really imposed that much of a hardship. She somehow missed the fact that the annoying, burdensome review process was exactly the hardship property owners were objecting to. Paul Brotzman encouraged this dismissal of the burdens imposed on property owners. With a hyperbolized sense of urgency, he claimed that we are in an “all or nothing situation”, as if not approving the ordinance would result in a fleet of bulldozers leveling every home with a scrap of historic value.

Mayor Kellar suggested that the City could buy vulnerable properties that come onto the market if it really wanted to preserve them. His idea was ignored as the double X-chromosomed members of Council gave their yeses (or "aye" as the case may be) while the XY-chromosomed members said "no!" Whether the voting divide along gender lines was simple coincidence or something more is unclear. Regardless, homeowners of "historic" properties will now need to ask the City to review planned alterations or demolitions of their homes and buildings. Thanks to this ordinance, many old, ugly buildings will be spared the wrecking ball and preserved for us to endlessly marvel at.
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IN SHORT
A preemptive strike to have Ferry and Ender recuse themselves on the G&L expansion failed; it's out with the old, in with the new at Hidaway; and it's in with the old, out with the homeowner control at historic/pretend-historic buildings in Newhall.

[1]The agenda may be read here.
[2]To take place on October 18, details here.
[3]Pulskamp confirmed that this will be on the agenda at the next C.C. meeting, which will therefore stretch until 1am--if we're being optimistic.

Happenings: McCain-Palin or Obama-Biden?, Part I

Someone once said that if everyone in Santa Clarita stood outside naked, we’d be seen from space as a saggy, overweight pale spot that sunburned quickly. Despite appearing homogeneous, though, we’re actually a very diverse citizenry. Santa Clarita has both men AND women. There are white AND Hispanic people. We even have young AND old people in SCV. Admit it: Santa Clarita is a bastion of diversity.

“Behold,” spoke the demographer, “It is Clarita, land of diversity!”[1]

With all of these differences, how could we possibly agree on anything? This brings us to a most timely and critical question: Now that we know the complete Democrat and Republican presidential tickets, for whom shall the various and sundry peoples of Clarita vote? Which pair best represents Santa Clarita as a whole, Obama-Biden or McCain-Palin?

Luckily, us Claritans do have some common values, and we can pick the ticket that best supports these. First, we like to make far more money than the rest of the United States, and our homes are worth three-times more than the national average. Even our City government is financially savvy and supports local programs while staying out of the red.

So we make 50% more income but spend 300% more on homes than most Americans. Yeah, that seems about right.

Our ability to stay solvent during tough financial times, however, means we have very little in common with either Republicans or Democrats. Happily, there are other things that unite us. Let's look at them and decide whether McCain and Palin or Obama and Biden agree with our core values on the issues that matter. In this first of three installments, we look at: kids, charity dinners, religion, and public transportation. Coverage of cigar smoking; beauty pageants; golf; Noyaca, lake monster of Bridgeport; lawn-care; plastic surgery; and frozen yogurt shops will come in later weeks.

KIDS

Clarita Says: Yes please! Kids are fun to dress in designer clothes, and we can send them on High School Musical 14 auditions or just brag to our friends about how impossibly gifted they are. We even celebrated a "Day for Kids"[2]!

Obama-Biden: 2 Obama kids + 4 Biden kids = 6 total progeny

McCain-Palin: 7 McCain kids + 5 Palin kids[3] = 12 total progeny

Verdict: It's 6 vs. 12, which means McCain and Palin love children precisely twice as much as Obama and Biden. Palin has raised a family that values kids so much, in fact, that her 17-year old daughter is having one of her own. Awww, I hope it's named something better than Track or Trig. This round goes to the Republicans.
D: 0 R: 1

CHARITY DINNERS

Clarita Says: 19thC Kansas had barn raisings. Victorian England had formal balls[4]. Santa Clarita has charity dinner-gala-events. They are the social occasions that allow our power players to mingle and keep our community a cohesive whole. We expect a presidential candidate to have enough social graces to get by at such an event should we ever bother to invite him to one.

Obama-Biden: The Obamas gave $60K to charity in 2006. It is unclear how much was donated over meals featuring Berkshire pork chops with pomegranate reduction and anise-scented quinoa, but not bad.

McCain-Palin: McCain has his own foundation and it gives away far more money, but a lot of the funds go to his kids' schools and the like. A Google image search also yielded photographic evidence that he and the Mrs. attended at least one charity dinner.

The Verdict: This one's close, so I think we should compare the potential Veeps. With regard to Sarah Palin, remember that the Claritan female likes to get dressed up sometimes and eat fancy, catered cuisine. A charity dinner in Palin's Alaska, however, would more likely involve flannel and a menu of you-shoot-it-we'll-grill-it. Biden, on the other hand, is the poor man of the Senate. He's the sort who would show up to charity dinners, make the minimum suggested donation, and bring zipper-bags to take the leftovers. Thus, I award no points this round.
D: 0 R: 1

RELIGION

Clarita Says: We recognize and endorse three brands of religion: Mormonism, Catholicisim, and various flavors of Protestantism, especially the derivative "non-denominational Christianty."

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Obama-Biden: Obama spent years marinating in sermons given by a racist, hate-spewing reverend--but they were, technically, Christian sermons. Biden is a Catholic, but he's also pro-choice/conflicted in a Democratically nuanced sort of way, which isn't very (i.e., at all) Catholic.

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McCain-Palin: McCain is now a Southern Baptist, one of the Christian denominations that's a bit too enthusiastic and lively for our tastes. Palin is a non- or "post"-denominational Christian with some Catholic and Pentecostal background.

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Verdict: This is another tough category, as all the candidates are somewhat religious. It's unclear which ones practice the kind of "we go to church on Christmas and Easter but spend more time buying the kids' outfits than actually praying" brand of faith so popular in SCV.

However, I must award the points to Obama-Biden as McCain passed up a more qualified Mormon (Mitt Romney) to put Palin on his ticket. Our valley has a large population of Latter-Day Saints, and had McCain picked Romney, he could have taken this category.

D: 1 R: 1

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PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION

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Clarita Says: We think public transportation is an excellent way to keep the poor from sharing our roads and to get bicyclists off the street. We're definitely partial to buses along with one ridiculous trolley to spice things up. Ultimately, though, we'll be driving our own cars, thank you very much.

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Obama-Biden: There was a push to have people take public transit to reach Invesco Field for Obama's acceptance speech. Worse yet, Senator Joe Biden still takes Amtrak. Even worserer yet, Obama bragged about this Amtrak-riding behavior in his speech!

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McCain-Palin: McCain is campaigning on making oil cheaper for the driving-man, which we're definitely OK with. Palin, however, boasted about saying no to money that would build the much-hyped "bridge to nowhere" in Alaska. Had Santa Clarita been in the same position, we would have taken the money and we'd build and drive on the bridge anyways. It's the act of driving, not the destination, that matters to us.

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Verdict: The point goes to McCain-Palin for being more closely aligned with our valley's strong transportational values.

D: 1 R: 2

That's it for tonight, but more analysis on who Clarita ought to vote for is in store.

[1]I know these graphs were completely unecessary, but I'm a sucker for demographic stats and am using them to finish a post called "The Average Claritan." It's really fun (no, f'reals) to read through the U.S. Census Bureau site on our population from which I drew all the numbers. You can visit it here.
[2]http://iheartscv.blogspot.com/2007/09/only-in-scv-free-stuff-for-being-young.html
[3]I'm not going to get into all the crap about Palin faking the last pregnancy.
[4]Don't worry: I laughed too.

Happenings: 5 Gangs, 1 Traffic Diverter, and 4 Councilmembers

Laurie Ender drew inspiration from Gandhi during the invocation of the August 26 City Council meeting[1]. She began by lamenting the Claritans who won’t be able to attend $150-per-plate charity fundraising dinners/galas because of the tough economy[2]. A decline in donations going to worthy non-profits would be unacceptable, to be sure. But Gandhi has the solution! Ender explained that we just need to take his quotation “Be the change that you want to see in the world” a little more literally. Then, she pulled out piggy banks for all the councilmembers and instructed them to “be the change: save your change.” The pun was meant to get people to gather enough coins to make a nice donation to a deserving local charity. Oh my.

Next we had the Public Safety Topics of the Month presentation where the topic was...gangs!, those groups of violent youths one can avoid by living in Valencia. I found it to be an interesting talk, by far the best in the series. Deputy Dan Finn skipped the woe-are-we preamble and got straight into numbers and facts about the state of gangs in the SCV:

*Newhall 13. 160 members, 100 active. This is our oldest gang (alert the historical society to mobilize for preservation!). Finn explained that it contains some second and even third generation gang members.
*Vale Verde Park 13. 40 members, 15 active. This gang, apparently, experienced a major decline after dozens of members moved.
*Canones 13. I missed the numbers for this group.
*Malditos Mexicanos Surenos 13. 25 members, 15 active. MMS is a Fresno gang that translocated to our peace-loving valley some 6 years ago.
*Brown Familia 13. 65 members, 45 active.

(Perhaps having 200 active gang members explains why we’re not the #1 Safest City.)

Finn closed by discussing programs used to teach families the signs that their child might be involved with a gang and how to prevent said child from joining a gang. Mayor Bob Kellar asked about whether injunctions—a legal tool aimed at preventing gangs from congregating in particular areas, like a park or alley way—could be used as they’ve been used against LA gangs. Finn replied the SCV gangs aren’t really tied to one specific spot, so injunctions were unfortunately not feasible. The councilmembers then took a controversial anti-gang, pro-law enforcement position.

Up next we endured Public Participation. Jim Farley discussed a California Supreme Court ruling in Santa Clara that called the validity of open space assessment districts into question. (Recall that an open space assessment of $25/yr passed earlier this year with the intent of preserving natural areas in and around the valley.) Said Farley, “Our open space district is an illegal tax…it’s been confirmed by the California Supreme Court.” City Manager Ken Pulskamp said the two assessments were based on very different engineer’s reports and that he would clarify the issue with Farley. I’m sure he’ll keep us Claritans posted.

The next block-o-comments concerned Southern California Edison utility towers installed near Decoro and the Belcaro community[3]. As the old saying goes, there’s nothing like a 22-story utility tower to bring out the hyperbole. Indeed, you’d think the electricity-conveying towers were the end of the world. One person presented a picture of the structures, drawing horrified gasps from all who viewed the lattice of steel. Laurie Ender mentioned that her son thought they were ugly/alienesque, and Laurene Weste called them “hideous” and “heart-breaking.” My favorite part, though, was listening to Hunt Braly[4], the mouth that says what you pay it to, try to sound outraged about their construction. The guy who lobbies for G&L Realty (among others) actually spoke out against SoCal Edison for being secretive and showing no regard for the community[5]. And he did so without an iota of irony.

The bulk of public comments, though, concerned “One Valley, One Vision.” TimBen Boydston said there hasn’t been enough public participation, and he claimed there are major problems with density. Annette Lucas, representing Calgrove Corridor Coalition[6], brought forward apparent contradictions in the number of acres of parkland per resident, an important part of OVOV and the General Plan. One City document claimed 5 acres/1000 people, and a newer document claimed that both the City and County held to a 3 acres/1000 people standard. It’s still not clear what’s going on with this park matter, but Lucas claimed that sneaking in provisions for “bigger buildings, fewer parks” epitomized the lack of transparency that characterizes OVOV. One speaker summarized her feeling thus: “I am terrified…the residents of Santa Clarita do not approve or condone the direction the City is going in!”

Needless to say, Mayor Kellar and Councilmember McLean got defensive after the tongue-lashing by upset Claritans. (Mayor Pro-Tem Ferry would have gotten angry too, but he wasn’t there). The Mayor reminded Claritans that they need to give the City a chance to help them out as they’ve done in the past with the MRF, Las Lomas, and CEMEX. Councilmember McLean was a bit more on edge. She was thoroughly annoyed with some unnamed persons who speak “untruths” in order to “stir the pot.” She twice appropriated the phrase “matters not in evidence” that you may recall from a recent article by Tim Myers. She closed by declaring that there’s a new paradigm in development, and it calls for more dense building, so get used to it! And in a final verbal flourish, she advised “Don’t let a few negative people ruin your life.” Sure we can guess to whom she's referring, but maybe next time she'll name names.

On the consent calendar, only provisions to protect historical buildings elicited much response. Most speakers were in favor of a phased approach to historic preservation that could affect at least 62 properties. Only Molly Hodson spoke against the plan, noting that her property would likely be designated as historic even though it was really "just old". Stricter standards for what constitutes a historic site will be included in more comprehensive plans to be developed.

The evening closed with a discussion of Benz Road, where cut-through traffic makes life a nightmare for 26 residents. People came up to say that cut-through traffic puts their children in danger and sends their quality of life down the toilet. The solution was to make the traffic cut through on another street, thereby putting other children in danger and sending other people's quality of life down the toilet. It was heart-warming.

Definitive action was taken, though. After 20 speakers largely ripped apart a proposal to try out temporary speed humps, the Council decided to give a traffic diverter (the option favored by Benz road residents) the old college try. It was late in the meeting, so City Clerk Sharon Dawson and Laurene Weste took some time to make sure the wording of the final, approved motion was recorded accurately. Roughly, the plan is to [here I’m half-quoting, half-paraphrasing] “Try the diverter for 3 months, taking out turn restrictions, and evaluate it after 3 months. Staff will then have latitude to use speed humps wherever necessary after the 3 months report is given.” McLean would have preferred to see no speed humps unless absolutely necessary, but she was out-voted. There was some applause, so some people were happy. Others were not. I'm sure we'll hear more from both sides.

Tonight's meeting was a good warm-up for the September 9th meeting when Henry Mayo Newhall Memorial Hospital and G & L Realty will again take center stage. Get those comment cards ready, kids!

[1]Here is the agenda, brought to you by the City of SC
[2]I think the phrase "tough economy" and variants thereof were uttered at least 453 times this evening.
[3]The Signal gives some background here.
[4]Hunt Braly hired! Details from KHTS here.
[5] Eighteen years of my life were spent staring at the 4 towers I could see from our yard, 1 of which was only 100 yards away. I got over it. Color me cold and unsympathetic, but I say deal with it, Decoro.
[6]Calgrove Corridor Coalition